Do you catch yourself constantly evaluating others? "They're right." "They're wrong." "That's good." "That's bad." These thoughts arise automatically—and then you feel bad about being so judgmental.
In this article, we'll explore the roots of judgmental thinking and discover how to break free from this exhausting pattern.
If You're Aware of Your Judging Mind
First, something important:
The fact that you're aware of your judgmental tendencies means you're already ahead.
Many people judge unconsciously, criticize without realizing it, and assume it's just "how things are." They never question it.
But you're aware. And you want to change.
That awareness itself is the beginning of transformation.
Why Do We Judge?
Where does the habit of judging come from?
In most cases, the roots lie in childhood.
"Good girl." "Bad boy."
"That's right." "That's wrong."
"Be proper." "Don't be sloppy."
"You're the older one." "Boys don't cry."
From parents and teachers, we received constant evaluations.
It may have come from love. It may have been for discipline.
But in the process, we internalized an evaluative framework.
The habit of seeing the world through "good/bad," "right/wrong," "pass/fail" lenses. And it continues to operate unconsciously, even in adulthood.
The Core Truth
Being judgmental isn't a personality flaw. It's simply a way of seeing the world that was learned in childhood—still running on autopilot.
The Connection to Conditional Love
The judging habit is deeply connected to conditional love.
"I'll be loved if I'm good." "I'll only be accepted if I'm right." Growing up in such an environment leads to constantly evaluating whether you and others "meet the conditions."
Judging was once a survival strategy.
If you didn't know what was "right," you wouldn't be loved. Accepted. Belong. So you kept judging—constantly—to stay safe.
Judging Others = Judging Yourself
Here's an important truth:
People who harshly judge others apply the same standards to themselves.
If you think someone is "sloppy," you're also pressuring yourself to "not be sloppy."
If you think someone is "wrong," you're also carrying the burden of "I must never be wrong."
Judgment of others is a mirror of self-judgment.
This means that softening your judgment of others softens your judgment of yourself as well.
And the reverse is also true. When you become kinder to yourself, your judgment of others naturally relaxes.
The Judgment Cycle
Criticize others → Apply same standards to yourself → Blame yourself → Feel suffering → Criticize others...
To break this cycle, you need to loosen one link somewhere.
Shift from Judgment to Observation
So how do we break free from the judging habit?
The answer is to shift from "judgment" to "observation."
Judgment (Evaluation)
"They're wrong."
"This approach is bad."
"That's not good."
"They should do it this way."
Observation (Fact)
"They have a different view."
"This person values different things."
"This differs from my preference."
"There are various approaches."
Judgment is labeling something as "good" or "bad." Observation is simply recognizing "this exists."
Observation contains no evaluation. Just "I see"—nothing more.
Why Observation Is Difficult
Our brains evolved to make quick judgments.
"Is this dangerous or safe?" "Friend or foe?" Quick decisions meant survival.
But in modern society, that "quick judgment" isn't always necessary. Often, pausing to observe leads to better decisions.
Tips for Observation
When judgment arises, ask yourself: "Wait—is this a fact? Or my evaluation?" Just separating fact from evaluation weakens the power of judgment.
5 Practices for Daily Life
Small daily practices are effective for softening the judging habit.
1. Just Notice the Judgment
Don't aim for "never judging" from the start. First, just notice when you judge: "Ah, I just made a judgment." That's enough. The moment you notice, you create some distance from the judgment.
2. Replace "Should" with "One Way to Think"
When you think "They should do this," add: "...is one way to think about it." This single addition relativizes absolute judgments.
3. Ask "Why Might They Think That?"
When about to judge someone, ask: "Why might this person think that way?" Just trying to take their perspective weakens the judgment.
4. Observe Your Self-Judgment Too
When you think "I'm no good," step back and observe: "I'm currently evaluating myself as 'no good.'" This is also practice for separating facts from interpretations.
5. Repeat "They Are They, I Am I"
When judgment arises, say silently: "They are they, I am I." Simple, but effective for redrawing boundaries.
Summary: Judgment Is a Child's Quest for Love
The habit of judging in terms of "good/bad" and "right/wrong."
It was a way of seeing the world that your younger self learned to be loved.
"If I know what's right, I'll be accepted." "If I don't make mistakes, I'll be loved."
You tried so hard, judging constantly.
But now, as an adult, you have another choice.
You deserve love even without judging.
The world keeps turning without "good/bad" labels.
And softening judgment of others means softening judgment of yourself. When you're kinder to yourself, you naturally become kinder to others.
This cycle, slowly, will transform your world.
You have value without judging.
The world is beautiful without measuring "good" or "bad."
Today, begin the practice of observation.
Discover Your Inner Pattern
Judgment patterns vary by person. Take our 5-question quiz to discover your tendencies (about 3 min)
Take Free QuizFrequently Asked Questions
Q. Why do I constantly judge others?
In most cases, this habit stems from childhood experiences where parents and teachers repeatedly evaluated you as "good child" or "bad child," "right" or "wrong." This "evaluative framework" becomes internalized, and as adults, we unconsciously apply the same standards to ourselves and others.
Q. How can I stop being so judgmental?
First, become aware when you're judging. Then, practice shifting from "judgment" to "observation." Instead of "That person is wrong," try "That person thinks differently." Suspend evaluation and simply observe the facts.
Q. Is there a connection between judging others and self-criticism?
Absolutely. People who harshly judge others apply the same standards to themselves. Criticism of others is a mirror of self-criticism. When you soften your judgment of others, your judgment of yourself naturally softens too.