When Hard Work Doesn't Feel Rewarding:
The Real Reason Your Efforts Seem Futile

I'm working this hard, so why don't I feel rewarded? I'm getting results. Others recognize me. But somewhere inside, I'm not satisfied. Does this resonate with you?

In this article, I'll share the truth behind the feeling of "working hard but not being rewarded" and hints for escaping this pain.

The Truth Behind "Feeling Unrewarded"

"Working hard but not being rewarded"—if you're searching for these words, you're probably not someone who's slacking off.

In fact, you're putting in more effort than others. Strong sense of responsibility. Others call you "reliable."

And yet, you're not fulfilled.

The truth behind this feeling isn't "lack of effort."

The problem lies in how you define "being rewarded."

What's Your Definition of "Being Rewarded"?

Let's pause and think.

When do you feel "rewarded"?

What these have in common is "reactions from others."

Of course, being recognized by others feels good. That's natural.

But when you make external approval your sole criterion for "being rewarded," you'll never feel fulfilled no matter how hard you try.

Because you can't control others' reactions.

No matter how good your work, if your boss is in a bad mood, you won't get praised. No matter how much you contribute, it might just be taken for granted.

As long as your sense of "being rewarded" depends on things you can't control, your efforts will keep spinning in place forever.

The Trap of Conditional Self-Approval

People who easily feel "unrewarded despite working hard" share a common pattern.

That is "conditional self-approval."

"If I achieve results, I'll be recognized."
"If I meet expectations, I'll be loved."
"If I do it perfectly, I'll have value."

This pattern is often formed in childhood.

"I got praised when I was a good kid." "Everyone was happy when I got 100 on the test."—The accumulation of these experiences creates the belief "I have no value unless I achieve something."

In psychology, this is called "conditional love."

Living with conditional self-approval means no matter how much you achieve, you never lose the feeling of "still not enough" or "need to try harder."

Even reaching a goal, the next goal immediately appears. It's like running a marathon that never ends.

Redefine "Being Rewarded"

So how can you escape this pain?

The answer is changing your definition of "being rewarded."

Position external approval as a "nice bonus if it happens."

And make recognizing yourself the criterion for "being rewarded."

This doesn't mean ignoring others' evaluations.

It means taking back the initiative of your "sense of fulfillment" from others to yourself.

"Even if no one recognizes me, I got my work done today."

When you can think that, the feeling of "being rewarded" is born from within yourself.

Practice: Recognizing Yourself

That said, for someone who has lived with "conditional self-approval" for a long time, recognizing yourself isn't easy.

Try starting with these small practices.

1. Write 3 "Things I Did Today" at the End of Each Day

They don't need to be big achievements. "Woke up on time." "Replied to emails." "Spoke up in a meeting."—Small things are fine.

We tend to focus on "things we couldn't do." This is practice to consciously focus on "things we did."

2. Record "I Did" Not "I Could"

"Could" contains evaluation. "Did" is fact.

"Did well on the presentation" → "Did the presentation."
"Finished it perfectly" → "Submitted it."

By separating facts from interpretation, you create some distance from harsh self-evaluation.

3. Say "Good Job" to Yourself

It might feel embarrassing. But try it.

In front of a mirror, or in your heart, say to yourself "Good job today."

Instead of waiting for approval from others, become your own biggest supporter. That's the first step to self-compassion.

Summary: Take Back the Initiative of Being Rewarded

The feeling of "working hard but not being rewarded" isn't a sign that effort is lacking.

Rather, it's a trap that people who try too hard easily fall into.

Move your definition of "being rewarded" from others' evaluation to inside yourself.
That's also taking back the initiative of your own life.

Today, even if no one recognized you.
Even if no one said "thank you."

"Today too, I did what I needed to do."

If you can think that, isn't that what "being rewarded" means?