We hold on to so much: past relationships that ended, versions of ourselves we can no longer be, expectations that were never met, pain that feels safer than the unknown.
But what if holding on is actually what's holding us back?
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." — Hermann Hesse
What Does It Mean to Let Go?
Letting go doesn't mean you didn't care. It doesn't mean the experience wasn't important. It doesn't mean you're giving up or forgetting.
Letting go means you're choosing to stop letting the past dictate your present. It means releasing your grip on what you cannot change so your hands are free to receive what's coming.
Why We Hold On
Fear of the Unknown
Even painful familiarity feels safer than the uncertainty of what comes next. We'd rather carry known suffering than risk unknown freedom.
Identity Attachment
Sometimes we become so identified with our pain, our story, or our past that we don't know who we'd be without it. "I am the person who was hurt" becomes an identity we can't imagine releasing.
The Illusion of Control
Ruminating gives us the illusion that we're doing something about the situation. But replaying the past a thousand times won't change what happened.
Unfinished Business
We hold on because something feels incomplete—words left unsaid, closure never received, justice never served. We wait for an ending that may never come.
What We Need to Let Go Of
Past Relationships
Whether romantic, familial, or friendships—some relationships are chapters that have closed. Honoring what was doesn't require keeping the door open forever.
Old Versions of Yourself
The person you were five years ago, before the heartbreak, before the illness, before the change—that version is gone. Grieve who you were, but don't refuse to be who you are now.
Failed Expectations
How you thought your life would look by now. What you hoped someone would say or do. The outcome you were certain would happen. Let go of the blueprint to appreciate the actual building.
Others' Validation
Waiting for an apology, for someone to finally understand, for external validation of your worth—you might wait forever. Give yourself what you're waiting for others to give you.
The Process of Letting Go
1. Acknowledge What You're Holding
You can't release what you won't acknowledge. Name what you're holding onto. "I'm still angry about..." "I can't let go of hoping that..." Awareness is the first step.
2. Feel It Fully
You can't skip over pain to get to healing. Allow yourself to feel the grief, anger, disappointment, or fear. Give yourself permission to have a complete emotional experience.
3. Understand the Cost
What is holding on costing you? Your energy? Your peace? Your ability to be present? Your openness to new experiences? When the cost becomes clear, letting go becomes easier.
4. Separate Facts from Stories
What actually happened? What story are you telling about what happened? Often we're holding onto our interpretation more than the event itself.
5. Practice Acceptance
Acceptance doesn't mean approval. It means acknowledging reality as it is, not as you wish it were. "This happened. This is how it is. I cannot change it."
6. Forgive—For Your Own Freedom
Forgiveness isn't condoning what happened. It's choosing to release the emotional charge so you can move forward. Forgive others not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.
7. Create a Ritual
Physical rituals help the emotional process. Write a letter you'll never send, then burn it. Gather items that remind you of what you're releasing and donate them. Create a symbolic act of release.
8. Fill the Space
When you let go, you create space. Intentionally fill it with what nurtures you: new experiences, supportive relationships, creative projects, self-compassion.
What Letting Go Is Not
- It's not instant. Letting go is a practice, not a one-time decision. You might need to choose it again and again.
- It's not forgetting. You can remember without being controlled by the memory.
- It's not weakness. It takes more courage to let go than to hold on.
- It's not giving up. It's giving yourself permission to move forward.
The Freedom of Letting Go
Emotional Freedom
When you stop replaying the past, you stop reliving the pain. The emotional charge gradually dissolves, and you find yourself lighter.
Present Moment Awareness
Letting go of the past returns you to the present. Suddenly you can taste your food, hear the birds, notice the sunset—life is happening now, not back there.
Open to New Possibilities
Closed hands can't receive. When you open your grip on what was, you become available for what's coming—new relationships, opportunities, versions of yourself.
Authentic Peace
Not the peace of pretending everything is fine, but the peace of accepting what is and trusting yourself to handle what comes next.
When Professional Help Is Needed
Sometimes we need support to let go, especially with trauma, complicated grief, or deeply ingrained patterns. There's strength in asking for help. A therapist can provide tools and perspective that make the process more manageable.
Soul Compass and Letting Go
Soul Compass creates space for the reflection necessary to let go. Through guided questions, you can explore what you're holding, why you're holding it, and what letting go might look like for you.
The practice of daily reflection helps you notice when you're gripping tightly versus when you're opening your hands. It builds awareness, which is the foundation of release.